


While you were sleeping

by thestoriesthatiwrite



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-12
Updated: 2015-06-12
Packaged: 2018-04-04 02:04:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4122033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thestoriesthatiwrite/pseuds/thestoriesthatiwrite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Magnus usually talks to Alec while he is asleep, but this time Alec is awake. <br/>Pov: Alec</p>
            </blockquote>





	While you were sleeping

**Author's Note:**

> Written by popular demand after a headcanon I posted, hope you all enjoy it. Sorry that it ended up so sad, I don't know how that happened.

Ever since Alec moved back in with Magnus, they had spent surprisingly little time together. Even though he had left the institute, he was still there for most parts of the day. Either to train, console his sister and Clary or to help out his mother. His father had decide to say in Idris, leaving her on her own. Alec wasn’t mad at any of the two, really. Though if he had to choose which parent to spent his time with, his mother definitely won. Unlike his father she had accepted his relationship with Magnus, it had taken her some time to get used to, but she supported him. And that was the most important thing right now, Alec thought.   
Whenever he wasn’t in the institute, he was out hunting demons or putting downworlders back in their place. Even though the war was over, tension between different types of downworlders and the shadowhunters remained. All of which led to long days and very little time for anything else.   
Today had been no exception. Isabelle had gotten into a fight with their mother over Simon, Clary was giving Jace a hard time, and for some reason they were redecorating the living room. Alec didn’t think it needed redecorating, but maybe it was part of some grieving phase, they had nearly changed every room in the institute over the course of a week. His mother was struggling with the divorce, Isabelle was grieving for Simon and Jace was being, well classic Jace. One thing,  Alec noticed remained untouched. Max’s room.   
Alec walked passed his room everyday but he never entered it, nor dared to standstill. He knew nothing inside had been changed. His parents hadn’t been able to, and before they knew it Jace had gone missing and all focus was put on finding him. Max’s death had only been 3 months ago, but sometimes it felt like so much more. Was he grieving enough? We’re they moving on too easily? Too fast? Where they already forgetting him in some way?  
  
Most nights Alec would come home, take of his clothes and crawl underneath the warm blankets, only to fall asleep ten seconds later. Tonight, however he couldn’t sleep, he kept being on the verge of it, spacing in and out of slumber, always thinking of Max. The last time had looked on the clock it had read 02:44. Magnus was still in the living room working on some spell for a client and Alec listened to his footsteps moving across the wooden floor, hearing it creak slightly whenever Magnus stood in front of the mantelpiece. He must have fallen asleep since when he woke, he heard his boyfriend talk to him, talk to him as if he had been awake all along.

“It’s driving me crazy.” He said softly, Alec wished he knew what he was referring too.  He could just ask what, but there was something exciting and secretive about staying still, like he was hoping Magnus would reveal some big secret to him.   
“I just wish there was something I could do.” About what, Alec wanted to say.   
“I shouldn’t really bother you with this, though you are asleep, so I doubt I’m bothering you.” There were a lot of pauses between ever sentence he said, like he was mulling it over inside his head, trying to figure out if he should say it out loud or not.   
“Though to be fair when you moved in, I did think we’d have more us-time.” Magnus sounded disappointed, Alec knew he hadn’t been much of a boyfriend these past few days. There was just so much going on. So many people needed, depended on him. “so I could talk to you while you’re awake.” Magnus continued.  
“I know you’re busy, I know how important family is to you, and I know you think they can’t manage without you. But I miss you. You are right here lying next to me and I miss you.” He sighed. “I suppose I could wake you up and talk to you, but you need your sleep. I can see how tired you are every night. I know, I could come to the institute with you, but December is the busiest time of the year and I’m swamped. Guess in the end I’m partly to blame for all this too.”  
Alec listened intensely, Magnus had been silenced for a while now. Had he fallen asleep?   
  
Just when Alec assumed he had, he felt an arm being placed around his waist, legs being entwined with his and the small puffs of air at the nape of his neck, that he had grown to love so much.   
“I know I said this last week as well, but I love you. And even though you didn’t say it back, and I would never force you too, I hope you still love me too, that you not being around much isn’t because you are second guessing your decision. Cause really I don’t think I’ve ever loved anyone as much as I love you.” Alec did not see that last confession coming. He figured Magnus knew how much he loved him, but when had he actually said those words, those three small words. Had he ever actually said them at all? Not just to Magnus, but to his parents, Isabelle, Jace, Max? He didn’t think he had, or at least he couldn’t remember. Did that mean they didn’t know as well? Alec swallowed, the thought of Max not have known that, slowly eating away at him.    
  
He was so lost in his thought, he couldn’t hear what Magnus said next and without thinking he responded, “What? What did you say?”

“Nothing. I didn’t mean to wake. I’m sorry.” Magnus apologized with a small kiss on the neck.

“No, I want to know what you said.” It came out sounding more unstable than he meant to and his breathing pace had changed significantly.

“I was just talking about my plan for tomorrow” Magnus said.

“Liar.” Alec turned around. “It was about me, and my inability to say that I love you.”

“You were listing to me.” Magnus said in surprise, though seeing Alec clearly upset, he realised that wasn’t the main issue here. “Sweetie, I, I know you love me.”

“No, you just hope I do.” Alec said.          

Magnus grabbed his face in both hands and looked him in the eyes. “I know you love me, I do. I really do.”

“Good, cause I do.” Alec responded in a small voice. “And I am very busy these days, I’m not avoiding you.”

“I’m glad. I’m not sure my poor heart could take it otherwise.” Magnus gentle plucked a stray of hair back behind his ear and released his face. Alec laid down on his back and stared at the glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling. Mind pondering over his last train of thoughts. “Do you think Max knew?” Alec asked, his voice trembling, He decided to share these painful thoughts with his boyfriend, hoping Magnus would comfort him.

“If I think Max knew that you loved him? Of course he knew. Why would you even wonder about that?”

“Because I never told him, not once and now I no longer can. He’s not here anymore. He’s gone.” A tear rolled over his cheeks. “Every day I walk passed his room, but that’s all I ever do. It’s been three months and we’re redecorating everything, my parents are getting a divorce, Isabelle is crying over Simon. It’s like Max has been gone forever. It feels like his room, his toys and his comic books have been left untouched for years. When a year hasn’t even passed yet. His birthday is in three weeks from now and nobody seems to acknowledge how little time has passed. ”

“A lot has happened in the last few months. Some people deal with everything by keeping busy, so they don’t have to think about what it is they lost.” Magnus voice was soft and caring. “but in the end it always catches up with you. I’m sure your mother, your father, Isabelle and Jace are just has hurt as you, they all just deal with it differently. But I can assure you, they know how little time has passed.”

“Maybe because we never talk about him. Like at all.”

“Then talk about him. You can change that. And if they don’t want to talk about him. Give them some time to get where you are.” Magnus grazed his arm gently, “In the meantime you can always talk to me.”

“I miss him, and whenever I think about him it just really hurts. It hurts so much that I’d rather not think about him, but I don’t forget him. I don’t want to forget the sound of his voice, his smile, his laugh, the way he would always mismatch his socks.” Alec smiled with tears stinging his eyes, “How hard can it be to find two of the same socks.” Alec wiped away the tears at his eyes. “Does it ever get easier?”

“With time, I wish I could say that time heals all wounds, but some wounds are there to stay, you just learn to live it or how to ease the pain.”

“Maybe, when I am ready, we can enter his room together.”

“Of course. And you can wake me up in the middle of night for it. Or if  you need someone to talk to. I know you are used to being the strong one and the one that takes care of everybody. But you don’t have to, not when you’re with me. When you are home, here with me, we take care of each other. So, please lean on me when you need to, as I will lean on you. Cause, sweetie.  In this world there are no battles you will ever have to fight alone.”

Alec smiled. Why was Magnus so good with words? Why was he so bad at them? “I love you.” He decided to say and he truly, truly meant it.

“I know. I love you too.” Magnus kissed his forehead and Alec laid his head on his shoulder.

“Do you still have that Spiderman film lying around?” Alec suddenly asked.

“All three parts.” Magnus answered. “Why?”

“Maybe we could see them sometime. They were Max’s favourite.”

“I will clear my schedule and we’ll make it day.” Magnus took him in a tight embrace. “Now, go to sleep. We’ll talk some more in the morning. I promise.”

“Okay.” Alec nodded. “One thing though,”

“Yes?”

“Next time, say those things when I’m awake.”

“Gotcha!”


End file.
